Navigating Your Pregnancy Compassionately with Loss Parents

A Guide to Sharing Your Pregnancy with Loved Ones Who Have Lost a Baby

CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR PREGNANCY!

We realize it can be tough to know how to share the joyous news with friends or family who have experienced infertility, miscarriage, ending a wanted pregnancy, stillbirth, or infant death. We hope the following information will help you navigate the relationship compassionately throughout your pregnancy.

BE AWARE

Actively consider what your friend or family member is going through and identify how you can be there for them.

BE INCLUSIVE

Don’t isolate them further by hiding important information—such as the pregnancy or birth—in hopes of protecting them. It can actually be very hurtful.

ACKNOWLEDGE AND CELEBRATE THE BABY 

Just as you are actively connecting with your baby through kicks, ultrasound images, and hope for the future, know that they did the same. Ask to see photos or memorabilia of their baby. If they named their baby, use their baby’s name. Send a card on their baby’s birthdate. Don’t be afraid that you might trigger them further; it really means a lot to a parent that their baby is recognized. Put it in their power to decide what they can and cannot handle.

DON’T TRY TO “FIX” IT

If they are going through a diagnosis of infertility: listen. Do not try to “fix” with suggestions such as a specialist doctor or adoption. Let them take the lead in telling you—and remind them that you are available to listen and will always be there for them.

CHECK IN

Ask them if you are sharing too much or too little of your pregnancy details. Every loss parent is different in what they can handle—by asking, you are demonstrating that their feelings matter to you.

LET THEM DECIDE

Invite them to events such as showers or birthday parties as you would have previously done. Empower them to decide if they will attend or not.

TREAT THEIR PAST PREGNANCIES AS RELEVANT

Some loss parents are willing to share about their pregnancies and some cannot. If they do share, laugh or cry right along with them. Take advice from them just as you would any other pregnant individual.

Thank you to contributing author, Melinda Peterson.